I’m up early for once, and since I don’t want to get to work *too* early…
I’m a follower of Christ. You may not recognize it from my blog, or even in me in person, which is a terrible disservice to my Lord and Savior. Religion is one those things, though, that I believe is a personal choice. And I don’t think, at least in Oklahoma, that a person hasn’t CHOSEN a life of sin. Maybe in inner big cities, the idea, the tenets, the Bible, haven’t infiltrated to every man, woman, and child, but I’m pretty sure everyone around here has heard the Good News once or twice. Thus, having seen the ‘sign up sheet’, a life without Christ is a choice. And I’m all for choice. I also believe in Perfect Timing and Divine Intervention. You may tell me now that today is the perfect day to talk to someone, that God has allowed them to endure the world as it is so that I may gospel to them and learn and be a leader… Yeah yeah. If I feel so compelled, I may. But I’m also perfectly content to lead by example.
But see, to lead by example, I have to be identified as a leader. In order to say ‘be a Christian like this’ you have to say I’m a Christian. And that’s where my silence has meaning. If I live like a Christian but do not publicly label myself, I’m seen as a good person who has a bad day now and then (just ask my husband). But if I emphasize my religion, and live like a Christian, I could be seen as boastful, and if I have a bad day, I could be labeled as a hypocrite – neither of which serve His Purpose.
Is it not better, then, that I serve him anonymously? Until I get my feet under me, I mean. My religious upbringing was so erratic and bipolar, I have a taste of most popular sentiments (I adored Josh Harris’ no dating book! It’s a powerful idea, even if you don’t give up dating entirely!) but I don’t have firm habits. I feel His touch often – in sunsets, in newborn calves, in my husband’s embrace – but I don’t feel Him personally talking to me… Maybe that’s more fear of failure. But it’s also possible we just have a God who is waiting for the right moment ro make an impact. Or maybe I’m so stubborn, He’s taking a subtle route, switching my radio to The House and getting Lecrae stuck in my head,a waking me up early, causing a line from yesterday to speak so firmly to me that I feel moved to spend my half hour of free time telling you about it…
‘Cause if I do this by myself, I’m scared that I’ll succeed
And no longer trust in you, ’cause I only trust in me
Isn’t that so human? In bad times, we beg for help, but in good times, we pat ourselves on the back. A couple of people doing that to me just a couple of times would annoy the fire out of me and make me stop. Luckily, we have a benevolent God who believes in second chances. And third. And fourth. In seventy times seven chances, but who’s counting?
I’m not sure how to end this. This isn’t a vow to become fearless enough to publicly embrace ny faith, but more of a plan to try harder at the same thing? Feel free to give some input, share your stories if you feel moved, to show me some Scripture where I may be wrong or need some extra encouragement. I will not debate the aspects of my beliefs.
(But if you throw Timothy at me and tell me to jump around with the Holy Spirit, I’m going to politely decline. Fair warning.)