Why I need my own DIY show, take 2

Everyone else is getting their own show. Vanilla Ice has his own show, for crying out loud. (Full disclosure- I’m actually a Vanilla Ice Project fan. He’s pretty entertaining.) I don’t know if DIY/HGTV ever troll WP looking for their next design show, but just in case, here’s my self-nomination for the liscensing of the hilarity that is about to ensue as my husband and I move into and renovate the house his grandfather had built in the mid 1970’s. We’re the third generation to live here! Added perk – the inlaws’ new house isn’t done yet so there is still plenty of time to get the details worked out on our show.

1) We’ll work cheap. I know money is number one in the television industry. You don’t even have to send us production people, just a couple video cameras (true DIY!) and some discount codes for flooring, tile, and paint. Seriously. Oh and can I get a design consultant’s Twitter handle?

2) We’re down-to-earth people. I’m pretty much over renovation shows that spend tens of thousands, go thousands over budget, and rip out entire rooms at the owners’ whim, and in this economy, I bet most of your viewers are too. I’m all for doing whatever to your house that fits your taste that you can afford, but how many people can really drop three months’ salary into a backsplash or find handmade clay tiles from Timbuktu? This is going to be the Everyman reno show, and will leave people empowered and energized for their next project, not wishing for a Crasher (and the accompanying magic bank account) to find them at Lowe’s.

3) We’re young and hip – aka marketable. We’re 25 year old kids surrounded by family – ripe for drama since there is going to be a ton of outside input into each of our plans, and a ton of pressure on us as we renovate the family farmhouse. We’re going to do it ourselves, with our spin on things. We’re also country, which is a *severely* underrepresented design demographic in your market. Barnwood can be locally sourced here!

4) My husband is the ultimate DIY’er. We might refer to professionals early in the planning stages, but the work will be all us. You haven’t seen creativity till you give a farmer an obstacle- HGTV will introduce millions of urban viewers to the concept of ‘southern engineering.’ It’ll be great for your sponsored teaching moments as we brainstorm affordable and unique design, MacGyver kits into working for us, and end up with a like-new home with old-home personality. With wall removal, paint, drywall, flooring, furniture, electrical, plumbing, tiling, soft furnishings, and a home bar, the opportunities are endless! Your viewers will be eagerly awaiting the next big thing out of the welding shop!

5) I have awesome taste. My Pinterest kinda says it all. Part modern, part rustic, all me. With a little money and a client list, I could have my own HGTV style show. My husband has a lot of fantastic ideas too, but we still clash over some elements of the home (he says lime green and navy “don’t jive.” Say whaaaat?) so our show will be full of compromise and creative problem solving. You can market it as wholesome family values rather than dramatizing marital spats a la Renovation Realities.

6) It’s a whole show, multi-season package. You see, we have a whole house to do. Three bedrooms, 2.5 bath, an awkward living room, kitchen/dining, laundry corner, garage with a future as a man cave, and a full outdoor living space (hot tub parties!). And like I said, we’re Everyman. I have an LLG position at a time-sensitive job that doesn’t give me tons of time off. My husband puts in 7 12 days on the farm and is trying to get his bulldozer service going. This means we don’t have a) tons of time to dedicate to projects or b) cashflow to do everything at once. Imagine the CG cutaways you can do as we re-stain the existing cabinets and talk about our 5 (or 10!) year plans! Isn’t that how most people are? They have a couple thousand they can spend on simple updates, and need shows that inspire them!

7) People always want to see behind the scenes footage. TV audiences love bloopers, like when someone paints themself into a corner, or when the materials are just a leeeetle too big for the truck bed. Women want to see me struggle to fit my jeans collection into my new closet. We’ll be living through our renovations, like many do, and can offer realtime hints and tricks – and entertainment. Don’t *you* wanna know what a houseful of 20-somethings is going to do one Saturday night when the bathrooms are gone? What will happen when something in the shop explodes and my farmer comes home and tries to not touch anything new or clean?? And, finally, can you say demo parties? (Maybe we should write a beer budget into our contract. Our neighbors work on the barter system.)

What I’m pitching to you is the real deal. Real people, real money, real problems, a real home for generations to come. We have family, an adorable yellow Lab, good friends, and an excuse to play with tractors. (Yes, my farmer will find a reason to use a 4020 on a house project.) You know, maybe I should pitch this show to Comedy Central…